This is the best one I’ve heard in quite some time: “Does your mom like action?” asked Creature. Let the”Jeff’s mom” jokes commence.
Archive Page 2
Is it wrong of me to think that I only owe MY mom a “Happy Mother’s Day” and that everyone else’s mom is their own problem? Probably, huh? Fine…
“Happy Mama Day” to all my mama friends out there all across mama Earth!
“Golden Girl” Bea Arthur has moved up to the retirement home in the sky. (tear)
After a long, long, long night at the hospital, Mason Terry Bumgarner was born at some un-Godly hour in the middle of the night. The details are fuzzy at this point because I haven’t slept, but everyone is doing great, and the little guy will be out breakin’ hearts in no time.
Why did the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Because he didn’t want the other bunnies to know that he was fooling around with the chickens.
“Thank you for your patience while on hold. Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold and the next available representative will be with you as soon as possible.”
QUEUE: [Girl from Ipanema]
Kevin James plays Paul Blart, a shy, lovelorn, down-on-his-luck police academy failure turned uber-enthusiastic, over-achieving mall security officer. Things start to look up for Paul when he meets kiosk entrepreneur Amy (Jayma Mays), until Blart stumbles upon an elaborate bank robbery at the mall.
Given the built-in punch lines from its plot, starring Kevin James, AND having been produced by Adam Sandler, Paul Blart: Mall Cop has all the right pieces in place to be ROTFLOL. It isn’t. It definitely has its moments. And it was certainly entertaining. But I found myself feeling more empathetic for Blart than I found myself laughing at him. In short, Mall Cop is neither serious enough to be a true character story, nor funny enough to be an over the top slapstick comedy. Nevertheless, I enjoyed all 91 of its minutes and look forward to watching it mindlessly, over and over again, on HBO in a few months.
Also, Mall Cop was filmed, at least in part, at the Burlington Mall up in my old stomping grounds. It was like walkin’ down memory lane!
Happy Valentines Day (to you)
Published by February 14th, 2009 in Holidays and Jokes fa Days, This Guy. 0 CommentsWhat did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
Can I hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand?
It’s Groundhog Day again (pun free of charge) and the circus freak show was present and accounted for to welcome our boy Punxutawney Phil out of his winter-long slumber. Suffice it to say, Philsie ran back into his little crib and hit snooze.
(NOTE: I would like to submit for your approval, that we contract The Ultimate Warrior to dress up in a giant groundhog costume, raid handlebar-mustache-guy’s cot, drag HIM outta HIS house, and prop HIM up in the air like the Stanley Cup, and see how enthusiastic HE is afterward.)
(ADDITIONAL NOTE: I still can get past the handlebar mustache. Seriously dude, it’s 2009. Let it go.)
“I’ll show you my stuff if you show me yours,” Keaonda said. “What can I say? He rubbed off on me!”
